AHHHHHHHH!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! That’s what I want to do. I just want to yell, scream, let it out. But my throat is closed. It’s been locked. My vocal cords have lost all their strength. They are folding in on themselves, the same way I tend to do. There’s nothing coming out, it’s just air, oxygen. I have had enough of that honestly. I really don’t want that anymore. I need to let what is within out.

I am suffocating within myself.

I need to open my mouth and let it all fall.

Let it all leak out like water flows out of the faucet.

Like the snow falling from the sky.

I need to be strong, as strong as the lighting in a thunderstorm.

As loud as the thunder.

Let myself fly like a butterfly

Let myself be as beautiful as I can be in the sky

The sky I look up to every day

But how? How do I let all of it happen?

Risk it all, risk it all, risk it all. It’s so simple isn’t it? I need to accept and believe that

Accept that this is something worth fighting for and by doing it right I will reach another level of self. And better more loved version of self confidence and self -being. Being, being, being, not just existing but living. All that process starts tonight with talking to my parents. You know what the reason it’s so hard is because I make it such a big deal. I should make it a formality and just brings it up.