The Weight of "Supposed to"

Am I supposed to be a mother?

Am I supposed to be a wife that curates the life of the people around her?

Am I supposed to be the one to heal everyone’s pain but her own?

Am I supposed to take out the loan?

To lend out my happiness to others and wait untill get it back?

Am I supposed to travel the world and use my voice as a power,

Speak as loud as I can, preventing anyone to feel any lower,

Preventing anyone from feeling any poorer,

Be the sorter to sort everyone’s feelings?

Am I supposed to come back home?

To a corner filled with shade

Shadows of different versions of myself that I think I created for others

But really to protect myself

Am I supposed to come back home,

Kneel to the blade? That controls me

I’m supposed to be smart.

I’m supposed to be brave.

I’m supposed to help.

I’m supposed to sacrifice.

I’m supposed to be rich.

I’m supposed to know everything and nothing at all.

I’m supposed to know when to speak and when to shut up.

Right now.. I feel like I’m doing everything wrong.

Right now, I feel so small.

Right now, I feel I don't belong

I'm at a wall

I’m second guessing myself